31. Settling In

Photography by moonjazz

So it's been a little while since I last posted. No excuse really except that a lot has been going on in the last few weeks. Divorce is final. Moved to my new apartment. Classes in full swing. Crying full throttle and with wild abandon. Oh, did I really just say that? There's something about saying goodbye to your old life and starting fresh that puts you a bit over the edge. In fact, I've been unravelling a bit lately. Last week, in the grocery store, I ran into an old acquaintance who I haven't seen in a few years. He asked me what I was doing in the area. Had I moved? How was my husband? And I just stared back at him. And then, horror of horrors...I started to cry! In the middle of aisle 6. Yes. I babbled a bit. Sputtered. Pulled it together and explained to this guy (and the two blue-haired senior citizens who had stopped to eavesdrop)-that no, I didn't need medical attention. I had just gone through a divorce. He was apologetic, of course. But I didn't care so much about him. I was more worried about myself. What had happened to me? Me- the usually stoic, can handle anything, never fazed, let it roll off your back, happy-go-lucky girl who DOES NOT CRY IN THE FROZEN FOODS AISLE. Why was I so sad?

I spent the weekend thinking more about all of this. And I came to the very obvious conclusion that I'm sad because I need to be. I'm sad because it's ok to mourn the loss of something that was once so precious and such a source of joy for me. Something that seemed like the happy ending but was just a beautiful illusion. It's ok to say that you need time alone, time to reflect on who you were then, who you are now, who you want to be. This is a very critical time. It's time to make sense of the mess that was left in the aftermath of all that pain. Time to decide which direction to travel. Time to navigate my new space. It's an exciting time and a very scary one. It's the first time I'm living on my own. I had roommates in college but I never lived solely by myself. And so the first few days were scary and lonely and confusing. Eventually, though, I came to the conclusion that this is simply the settling in period. A time of reflection and self-work, and discovery. It's an opportunity to learn and grow and make myself happy. I've created an initial list of some of the things I've been doing and plan on doing around here in the next few weeks. Maybe you also just moved or maybe you've been in the same place for years but have never actually "settled in." Make yourself at home. Enjoy what's right in front of you. Be content to just be. There's no rush. Take your time. Live.

1. Make a pot of tea in my new teapot.
2. Shop for a beachy painting for above my couch.
3. Make it a habit to go running on the boardwalk at least 3 times a week.
4. Try the Thai, Japanese, Italian and Mexican restaurants down the street.
5. Find the nearest grocery store.
6. Meet more of my neighbors.
7. Set up a writing space.
8. Have my first dinner party.
9. Decorate for the holidays.
10. Create a totally organized closet system.
11. Make a pot of homemade soup.
12. Find a place for all of my books.

Photography by boopsie.daisy

13. Host a movie night.
14. Have the girls over for a slumber party weekend.
15. Become a regular at the yummy Italian bakery around the corner.
16. Read more.
17. Take great naps.
18. Post more regularly to this blog.
19. Explore some of the antique shops in the area.
20. Meditate.
21. Read the Sunday New York Times every week.

22. Listen to loud music and dance around my apartment.

23. Let the ocean breeze float in through the back balcony and out through the front windows

24. Subscribe to Coastal Living

25. Take time to enjoy everything that is around me.