17. Row Your Own Boat

Photograph by Craigyc

We're a busy society--we have family, friends, commuting, lots of work, bills, and stress. It's tiring just listing all of it. All of these things zap our energy and can leave us feeling totally spent. It's at times like this--when you're crawling to your bed at night and drooling on yourself as you doze off at work--when you think there's absolutely no extra time left in the day for you. I know myself. Generally it's been my pattern that when I'm stressed about something or overwhelmed with too many projects, my own self-care goes to the bottom of the to-do list. Pedicure? Nope. Bubble bath? Nah! Eat those three square meals and take a multi-vitamin? No time for that. All of the things that would normally make me feel good and energized and pretty go out the window. 

When I first separated from my ex, I spent a few weeks in what I will call an induced coma. I was definitely awake and I could hear you if you spoke to me but other than that I was probably in a fog. I was confused, disoriented, stressed, and sad. I didn't know what direction to turn or what to do first. So I did nothing. And then I kept doing nothing but the bare minimum of getting to work and getting home. That went on for a few more weeks. But then I had that light bulb moment--you know, the one where you ask yourself, " Self, are you a moron?" I realized that I was allowing the situation of my separation to take control of me. I was a little boat in a vast ocean with no oars being pushed and pulled violently in many directions. I needed to grab back my oars and start rowing, dammit.   

And row I did. I vowed that I would get up every morning without fail, shower, and get dressed into something that made me feel sexy (Thank God for the invention of the push-up bra). I remembered something Sarah Ban Breathnach said in her book, "Romancing the Ordinary," about the power of scent and I started spraying perfume, not only on my neck and wrists, but also behind my knees. Trust me. It makes you feel good. I experimented with makeup and got a new haircut. I started going to yoga classes and eating better. And I went out with friends every week to laugh or see a movie or have dinner. I started rowing my own boat.

I opened up my own bank account (Nope. Didn't have one. Gave it up when I got married). I started going out alone--to movies, to dinner, for walks. I wrote in a journal, went for long drives along the beach and listened to upbeat dance music. I joined a photography class. I was rowing. 

Time passed quickly and I feel stronger. I know that it's because I've been taking much better care of myself. I've been trying to focus on what I want as opposed to what someone else wants me to do or how they want me to be. I'm done with that. Rowing your own boat doesn't mean that you're alone. It just means that you can take care of yourself. And you know it. It means that you have the confidence to steer for yourself--to make the tough choices and the hard calls. It means not allowing others to influence you negatively. It means understanding that you have power. Take control of your oars. Steer your own course. Row your own boat.