40. Comfort Food

Today was cold and wet and blustery. Everyone I know is sick including myself. Christmas decorations are up in the stores and I even heard...yes...Christmas music on the radio today. It seems like just yesterday that it was summer...but, alas, the cold is upon us. And when it starts to get colder, I like to hibernate. There's nothing better than cooking up something yummy that makes the house smell great and warms you up. Add in a great movie, a glass of wine and either good friends or a comfy pair of pajamas and you've got the ideal evening. Tonight's pick is chicken enchiladas--one of my all-time favorite comfort foods. A good mix of cheeses, chicken, Mexican spices and toppings like sour cream and fresh cilantro make for the perfect meal. Give it a try. It's easy and really satisfying. I took out the chiles that Tyler included in his recipe because I don't like it too spicy but you can always add them back in (5 canned whole green chiles, seeded and coarsely chopped and 4 canned chipotle chiles, seeded and minced. When you add in the corn, add in the chiles). Also to make the recipe even easier, buy a pre-roasted chicken at the grocery store and just use the meat rather than cooking the chicken yourself. Makes it really quick.

Cheesy Chicken Enchiladas

Adapted from a recipe by Tyler Florence

Ingredients

• 3 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 1 1/2 pounds skinless boneless chicken breast
• Salt and pepper
• 2 teaspoons cumin powder
• 2 teaspoons garlic powder
• 1 teaspoon Mexican Spice Blend
• 1 red onion, chopped
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 cup frozen corn, thawed
• 1 (28-ounce) can stewed tomatoes
• 1/2 teaspoon all-purpose flour
• 16 corn tortillas
• 1 1/2 cups enchilada sauce, canned
• 1 cup shredded Cheddar and Jack cheeses
• Garnish: chopped cilantro leaves, chopped scallions, sour cream, chopped tomatoes

Directions

Coat large saute pan with oil. Season chicken with salt and pepper. Brown chicken over medium heat, allow 7 minutes each side or until no longer pink. Sprinkle chicken with cumin, garlic powder and Mexican spices before turning. Remove chicken to a platter, allow to cool.

Saute onion and garlic in chicken drippings until tender. Add corn. Stir well to combine. Add canned tomatoes, saute 1 minute.

Pull chicken breasts apart by hand into shredded strips. Add shredded chicken to saute pan, combine with vegetables. Dust the mixture with flour to help set.

Microwave tortillas on high for 30 seconds. This softens them and makes them more pliable. Coat the bottom of 2 (13 by 9-inch) pans with a ladle of enchilada sauce. Using a large shallow bowl, dip each tortilla in enchilada sauce to lightly coat. Spoon 1/4 cup chicken mixture in each tortilla. Fold over filling, place 8 enchiladas in each pan with seam side down. Top with remaining enchilada sauce and cheese.

Bake for 15 minutes in a preheated 350 degree F oven until cheese melts. Garnish with cilantro, scallion, sour cream and chopped tomatoes before serving. Serve with Spanish rice and beans.

39. A Simple Gift

Bought myself flowers yesterday and arranged them in a pretty crystal bowl on my dining table. They're making me smile today. A simple gift to yourself can bring you a lot of happiness. Whether it's a box of your favorite chocolates, a pair of new shoes or a spa appointment, do something nice for yourself this week. You won't regret it. 

38. Alter Ego

Beyonce Knowles has said that, in her real life, she is extremely private, reserved and sometimes even shy. But something happens to her when she gets on stage. It's as if she has another personality--one that is sexy, fearless, athletic, and powerful. This is what she has said of her alter ego, Sasha Fierce:

“I have someone else that takes over when it’s time for me to work…When I’m on stage, this alter ego that I’ve created kind of protects me and who I really am. Sasha Fierce is the fun, more sensual, more aggressive, more outspoken side and more glamorous side that comes out when I’m working and when I’m on the stage...I have out-of-body experiences. If I cut my leg, if I fall, I don’t even feel it. I’m so fearless, I’m not aware of my face or my body.”

Check out this clip from the MTV Video Music Awards this year. Beyonce's performance was my favorite of the whole night. "Single Ladies" is a great song but what made it so entertaining was that Sasha made an appearance. From the first note to the last, she is powerful, sexy, strong and alluring. And frankly, there are dance moves in this performance that might put me into traction. She definitely lets you know who's boss.

Wouldn't it be great to have an alter ego that picks up for you in the areas where you think you might be lacking? A side of your personality that comes out when you need her most and helps you steal the show? What would you name your alter ego? Picture yourself at your most confident, most beautiful, most self-assured, and most comfortable. How would she dress, speak, act, walk? Try to channel your own Sasha Fierce the next time you're feeling like you need a boost--job interview, Friday night date, meeting new people, making eye contact in the grocery store. Wherever it is and with whomever it might be, call on your alter ego to fill in the blanks. 

37. Magic Closet

Mariah Carey's CRAZY NYC closet

What is it about women and their closets? There's some kind of love affair that goes on between a woman and that sacred space where she keeps her shoes, clothes and accessories. Whether it's a tiny little closet or a spacious walk-in monster, a good plan can come in handy to organize all of your stuff. Lately, I've been dreaming about my closet. As you know, I've recently moved into a new apartment and, for the first time, I have my own walk-in closet. Mind you, it's not huge. I can walk in, take three steps and turn around but it still provides ample room for creativity.

Eva Longoria and her jeans collection

So I've been trying to get inspired by some examples of other people's closets. Even though it's WAY OVER THE TOP, you can't help staring with your mouth wide open when you look at photos of Mariah Carey's closet. I'm not sure "closet" is even the right word. Maybe "clothing airport?" It's gorgeous and spacious and so well organized. We can all dream, can't we?

And then there's the cute photo of Eva Longoria's closet. I love the way she's organized her many pairs of jeans. I think I might actually borrow that idea. Instead of folding my jeans into drawers, I'm thinking of hanging them in the closet according to wash color. Where do you keep your jeans?

This space is pretty cool

I love the idea of decorating on the inside of your closet. Whether it's using beautiful boxes to keep your scarves, belts or swimsuits together, or creating a clean line with all matching velvet hangers, adding some design elements inside your closet can make you smile every time you open the door. I like how the closet above seems like just another comfy room in the house with a rug, a chandelier and those cool geometric doors.

I like the color organization in this one

Taking inventory of all of your things first can help you in organizing your space. What will take up the most room? Do you have a wild amount of shoes but not so many sweaters? Do you really need a place for jewelry or a tall space for boots? Do you keep all of your shoes in their boxes or will shoe racks work? What things will go in your dressers and what things need to be in the closet? Separate areas of the closet for shoes, pants, skirts, dresses, sweaters, shirts, accessories like handbags, scarves, hosiery, belts and hats. Place the items you use the most in the most convenient area of the closet. Once you know where everything will go, then you can decide what storage items you'll need to buy--decorative boxes, organizational dividers, lucite containers, shoe shelves, back of the door organizers, etc.

Recognize this famous closet from Sex and the City? Carrie Bradshaw and her vintage

Take inspiration from magazines, websites and catalogues. There are some great organizational sites to get ideas and to purchase the things you'll need to help you plan out your dream closet. Even the smallest space can be well-organized, efficient and make you feel great. When all of your things are placed in their optimum location, you'll be able to find them at the start of your day and you'll know immediately where they go at the end of your day. It saves you time and makes putting outfits together so simple.

Aerin Lauder and her beautiful dressing room

And lastly, remember to have fun with it. Make it your own...use your signature color or a favorite print on the wall. If you have a small space, get the most out of it with a good organizational plan and if have a bit more to play around with, get creative by decorating and filling the space with both beautiful and functional things.

I thought I would leave you today with a really creative closet idea. This is what I envision as "thinking outside the box." I love fashion designer Anna Sui's closet (above)--inspired by The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe, Sui had the back of a large armoire taken off and then she placed it in front of her closet doorway. Instant magic. When you open the armoire, you step into another world. An amazingly creative idea. Take inspiration from these beautiful closets and create your ideal space this week. It takes some time, but it's well worth it.

36. Portrait of a Lady

I came across a slide show of Mario Testino's most beautiful celebrity photos on Vanity Fair's website. I love his work because he manages to take photographs that are gorgeous but also real. You get a sense of who each individual actually is. Whether it was Diana, Princess of Wales looking right out at us with those beautiful blue eyes, Jennifer Connelly in high fashion or Jennifer Aniston in barely anything, Testino managed to capture each woman's essence. 

All these great shots got me thinking about my own photos. Because I recently moved, I've been going through a lot of old photo albums and boxes. And what I noticed is that there aren't any shots in which I think I look like my true self. Don't get me wrong. I have plenty of photos from my school days, with friends and family and random travel pics. But none of them jumps out at me as being a really good photo that truly embodies my spirit. I think I've decided what my birthday gift to myself is going to be--a photography session to get a really good portrait taken.

 

What do you think? Do u have any photos that really look like "you"? Any photos that you're really proud of? Any shots where u look happy, energized, healthy or sexy? What's ur favorite shot?? Do u have one? What does it make you think of when you look at it? 

If u don't have a favorite photo, dress up, glam up, get your hair done and have someone take a really nice photo of you that you can frame and be proud of. Passing by a great photo of yourself on the mantle or side table can remind you every day of your optimum, amazing self. 

All photographs by Mario Testino for Vanity Fair

35. Advice from the First Lady

Next month, Michelle Obama will become the first First Lady to grace the cover of Glamour magazine in recognition of her work mentoring young women. I've admired the First lady's style, intellect and cool demeanor since she first hit the campaign trail with her husband. And so I was really interested to hear her advice to women in the sneak peek excerpt of her interview with Katie Couric for the magazine. Thought you might want to check it out too. Here are the highlights:

Don't put yourself last in line: In answer to a reader question about how she keeps her sanity, the First Lady told Katie, "I have always tried to put my kids first, and then...put myself a really close second, as opposed to fifth or seventh. One thing that I've learned from male role models is that they don't hesitate to invest in themselves."

When it comes to looks and style, set your own standards: “People are always going to have opinions, and people have a right to their opinions, particularly when you’re the First Lady; you’re representing the nation. So I can’t be surprised that people are interested. But I’ve tried to be at peace with the choices that I make first, and then be open to everyone else’s reflection.”



With men, don’t be swayed by “cute”: “Cute’s good. But cute only lasts for so long, and then it’s, Who are you as a person? Don’t look at the bankbook or the title. Look at the heart. Look at the soul...When you’re dating a man, you should always feel good...You shouldn’t be in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t make you completely happy and make you feel whole.”

Don’t wait to be “discovered” by a mentor: “I was blessed throughout my entire career. I had people rooting for me. It started with my parents, but it extended to almost every teacher that I had. When I was a young lawyer, there were other women and men in the firm who took me under their wing. Look for those mentors, because sometimes mentors don’t find you--sometimes you seek them out. Oftentimes, they’re flattered and glad to lend a hand.”

34. Alone Time

Photography by Simply Recipes

The plans that I had for tonight fell through at the last minute and, I have to admit, I sat here in a bit of a stupor for a good 20 minutes thinking about what else I could do. I ran through the contacts list in my phone wondering who might be available to have dinner without any notice. I called my brother but he had plans. My parents always love me to stop by but did I really want to resort to that? I even thought of running to Barnes and Noble just so that I wouldn't be the dreaded ALONE. 

But then I looked around at this new little space by the beach that I'm renting and I thought, "Would it be the worst thing in the world to get in my pajamas, make myself a nice dinner, pour a glass of wine and watch a movie...
by myself?" And the answer was resoundingly, "Doesn't sound that bad actually." So that's what I did. I also lined all of my kitchen and bathroom cabinets, did a load of laundry, organized my books on my new shelves and read a chapter of the book I'm working on finishing by the end of this week. And none of that would have gotten done had I phoned a friend to rescue me. Instead I rescued myself. 

And now, I'm sitting here on my new couch listening to the raindrops tapping against my living room windows and I'm thankful for relaxing, cozy, rainy nights with just me, myself and I.

And just in case you're wondering what yummy thing I made for dinner...the perfect meal for staying in by yourself...here's the recipe. And yes, I did have a glass of wine after eating french toast...it's my party and I'll do what I want to :)

33. Reading is Fundamental

Photography by ruminatrix

I love reading. When I was a little girl, I would beg my mother to take me to the local public library. And there I would load up on all kinds of delicious books--classics like Anne of Green Gables and Little Women and virtually every book in the Nancy Drew series. I would stack the books up high in my arms and try to get them to the front desk to check out. Sometimes my mother would say, "How are you going to get through all of those books." But in the end, she knew that I would. When I got home, I would cloister myself away in my bedroom or laze around outside reading in the yard. It was my greatest pleasure. And it was the perfect time and space travel enabler. But sadly, those days of leisurely reading with no care for time are gone. Work and friends and family and obligations and sleep have overtaken my reading time. For years, "read more" has been on my New Year's resolution list. And even though it was a hope, I'm not quite sure I believed it was possible to read all of the books on my to-read list. That is until I read about Nina Sankovitch in the New York Times. She committed to reading a book a day for 365 days and then posting a short review about each one on her blog, readallday.org.

I was so inspired by her quest, that I thought I would share the article link with you here. Although time is precious and limited, it's important to create the time for the things that bring you joy. I may not be able to read a book a day--Nina is retired and has admitted that she cut out almost all other activities to work on this project--but she does talk about some interesting ways to get the reading done. On the bus, waiting in line, sitting in the doctor's office. There are a lot of pockets of wasted time that, if we added them up, equal precious reading time. Check out the article and get started on that book that you've been meaning to read but haven't gotten around to. 

32. Fall Favorites

Here are some things that are making me happy now that the air has gotten chillier, the rain has started falling and the leaves are swirling. 

Caramel Apple Spice at Starbuck's

This drink is the perfect fall pick-me-up, especially if you're not a coffee drinker. Apple juice with cinnamon syrup, whipped cream, and a secret butter, caramel sauce. Absolutely de-lish!

Bandolino Castalino Riding Boots

I recently bought these boots and wore them for the first time today. With skinny jeans and a nice brown sweater, I feel like an equestrian. And I love the chocolate brown leather and the gold metal accent.

Monet's Water Lilies at the MoMA

Monet has always fascinated me--of course, for his color and beautiful subjects. But also for his persistence in painting the same subject, whether it be hay stacks or cathedrals or water lilies, over and over and over again in different seasons, varying degrees of light, or various types of weather conditions. He was interested in recording how the same subject was changed by these conditions and the results are stunning. This exhibit showcases the work he did on his property in Giverny, painting the lily ponds and the Japanese footbridge he constructed there.

NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) November 1st-November 30th

How many people do you know who have said that they might like to try their hand at writing a book? Maybe even the great American novel? And how many of those people do you know who have actually completed and then published their work? Probably not many. Well, that's where the National Novel Writing Month comes in. From November 1st to the 30th, participants are challenged to write to their heart's content and complete a full-length novel. The website offers writing support and nation-wide writing events are planned to help keep you plugging along. After one month, it might not be the great American novel but it very well might be the first draft of an eventual masterpiece.

Roasted Tomato Soup with Parmesan Wafers

There's not much that needs to be said about this one. Piping hot tomato soup is one of the most comforting and delicious things you can eat during the fall season. Roasting the tomatoes brings out all of the summery deliciousness in them and then blending them and adding the cream...well...it's perfection.

31. Settling In

Photography by moonjazz

So it's been a little while since I last posted. No excuse really except that a lot has been going on in the last few weeks. Divorce is final. Moved to my new apartment. Classes in full swing. Crying full throttle and with wild abandon. Oh, did I really just say that? There's something about saying goodbye to your old life and starting fresh that puts you a bit over the edge. In fact, I've been unravelling a bit lately. Last week, in the grocery store, I ran into an old acquaintance who I haven't seen in a few years. He asked me what I was doing in the area. Had I moved? How was my husband? And I just stared back at him. And then, horror of horrors...I started to cry! In the middle of aisle 6. Yes. I babbled a bit. Sputtered. Pulled it together and explained to this guy (and the two blue-haired senior citizens who had stopped to eavesdrop)-that no, I didn't need medical attention. I had just gone through a divorce. He was apologetic, of course. But I didn't care so much about him. I was more worried about myself. What had happened to me? Me- the usually stoic, can handle anything, never fazed, let it roll off your back, happy-go-lucky girl who DOES NOT CRY IN THE FROZEN FOODS AISLE. Why was I so sad?

I spent the weekend thinking more about all of this. And I came to the very obvious conclusion that I'm sad because I need to be. I'm sad because it's ok to mourn the loss of something that was once so precious and such a source of joy for me. Something that seemed like the happy ending but was just a beautiful illusion. It's ok to say that you need time alone, time to reflect on who you were then, who you are now, who you want to be. This is a very critical time. It's time to make sense of the mess that was left in the aftermath of all that pain. Time to decide which direction to travel. Time to navigate my new space. It's an exciting time and a very scary one. It's the first time I'm living on my own. I had roommates in college but I never lived solely by myself. And so the first few days were scary and lonely and confusing. Eventually, though, I came to the conclusion that this is simply the settling in period. A time of reflection and self-work, and discovery. It's an opportunity to learn and grow and make myself happy. I've created an initial list of some of the things I've been doing and plan on doing around here in the next few weeks. Maybe you also just moved or maybe you've been in the same place for years but have never actually "settled in." Make yourself at home. Enjoy what's right in front of you. Be content to just be. There's no rush. Take your time. Live.

1. Make a pot of tea in my new teapot.
2. Shop for a beachy painting for above my couch.
3. Make it a habit to go running on the boardwalk at least 3 times a week.
4. Try the Thai, Japanese, Italian and Mexican restaurants down the street.
5. Find the nearest grocery store.
6. Meet more of my neighbors.
7. Set up a writing space.
8. Have my first dinner party.
9. Decorate for the holidays.
10. Create a totally organized closet system.
11. Make a pot of homemade soup.
12. Find a place for all of my books.

Photography by boopsie.daisy

13. Host a movie night.
14. Have the girls over for a slumber party weekend.
15. Become a regular at the yummy Italian bakery around the corner.
16. Read more.
17. Take great naps.
18. Post more regularly to this blog.
19. Explore some of the antique shops in the area.
20. Meditate.
21. Read the Sunday New York Times every week.

22. Listen to loud music and dance around my apartment.

23. Let the ocean breeze float in through the back balcony and out through the front windows

24. Subscribe to Coastal Living

25. Take time to enjoy everything that is around me.

30. The Bucket List

Photography by wallyg

I was really inspired today by Maggie Mason's Mighty Life List. I was also amazed by the fact that she was somehow able to get Intel to sponsor her to actually do all of the 100 things on her life list! That includes swimming with bioluminescent plankton in Puerto Rico, watching the sunrise over the Aegean and standing inside the Taj Mahal. When you really sit down to write the things you'd like to accomplish before you kick it, it really makes you think--time's flying by and every minute is an opportunity. So I decided to write my own bucket list. Here's what I came up with. What's on yours?

1. Visit all 50 states

2. Visit all 7 continents

3. Eat at El Bulli

4. Eat at The French Laundry

5. Fly in a hot air balloon

6. See the Pyramids at Giza

7. Take horseback riding lessons

8. Have my book published

9. Write a screenplay

10. Take cooking lessons with Patricia Wells in Paris

11. Stay in a cliffside hotel on Santorini

12. Be in the audience at the Oprah show

13. Go on an African safari

14. Climb Kilimanjaro

15. Run a marathon

16. Have a job where I can work from anywhere in the world

17. Start a foundation

18. Visit the Louvre, the Prado, the Musee D'Orsay, and the Uffizi

19. Have a one woman art show

20. See Georgia O'Keeffe's house

21. Be on television

22. Have a drink at an Irish pub

23. Learn to speak Italian fluently

24. Have lunch at Cafe de Flore

25. Go to the U.S. Open finals

26. Go to the World Series

27. Stay at a villa in Tuscany

28. Get a letter back from J.D. Salinger

29. Visit Peru and Machu Picchu

30. Ride in a gondola in Venice

Photography by derpunk

31. Bike through Provence

32. Stay in a cottage in Scotland

33. Buy fresh flowers every week

34. Write for the New York Times 

35. Go to the Savannah St. Patrick's Parade

36. Attend Mardi Gras

37. See Monet's garden at Giverny

38. Visit my cousins in New Zealand

39. Eat sushi in Japan

40. Start a Sunday supper club

41. Lead a book group

42. See Frank Lloyd Wright's Fallingwater

43. Visit Buckingham Palace

44. Live on the beach

45. Have my professional portrait taken

46. Live overseas for a year

47. Win the lottery

48. Cook all of Ina Garten's recipes

49. Make a successful souffle

50. Grow beautiful roses

51. Take a cruise around the world

52. Complete a NYTimes Sunday crossword puzzle

53. Complete a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle

54. Grow my own vegetables

55. Learn to play tennis well

56. Learn to sail

57. Learn to play golf

58. Learn to play the violin

59. Learn to play piano

60. Go white water rafting

61. Swim with dolphins

62. Go on a helicopter ride

63. Visit the Grand Canyon

64. Go to the Galapagos Islands

Photography by anadelmann

65. See the cherry blossoms in Washington D.C.

66. Be in Times Square for New Year's Eve

67. Celebrate Oktoberfest in Germany

68. Visit the Vatican

69. See Gaudi's La Sagrada Familia in Barcelona

70. See the Acropolis in Athens

71. Visit the Kremlin

72. Go to the Super Bowl

73. See my book turned into a film

74. Visit the caves at Lascaux

75. See the Colisseum in Rome

76. Visit Petra, Jordan

77. Shop at Pike Place market in Seattle

78. Read all the books on my classics list

79. Learn to play chess

80. Take a painting class

81. Win a literary award

82. Build a Habitat for Humanity home

83. Pay for a student to go to college

84. Check off every item on the 75 Skills Every Woman Should Master

85. Write a regular magazine column

86. Buy stock

87. Watch all the films on my Greatest Movies List

88. Fall in love

89. See my blog on the Technorati 100 list

90. Go to the Olympics

91. Go to TED Talks

92. Meet the Dalai Lama

93. Visit India

94. Take up yoga again

95. Go to the Kentucky Derby

96. Learn to meditate

97. Teach adults to read

98. Walk every day

99. Try acting

100. Have no regrets

29. Modern Love

Photograph by Andrew Jalali

I'm a bit obsessed with the New York Times Sunday Style feature called "Modern Love." It's fascinating to read other people's accounts of their love lives--dating, marriage, commitment, family relationships, passion, lust, loss. I'll make a cup of tea and cozy up on the couch with the Times, losing myself in the newest tale of heart pounding drama. Maybe it's the romantic in me. Or maybe it's the social part of me. But I love to read this stuff. I can't help but feel that each one of these stories is a universal story in some way. Modern Love. What is it? How does it work? Who knows. It's a mystery. But the story below, in particular, struck me as being really touching. I've talked a lot recently about letting go of preconceived notions...throwing out the expectations we have for ourselves and others and just letting it be. But how easy is that to do? Easy maybe if the person you love forgets to pick up their towel off the floor. Not so easy if the person you've been married to for decades tells you that he never loved you and wants to leave you and the kids...read this...you may cry. 

Those Aren't Fighting Words, Dear by Laura A. Munson

28. Questing

Photograph by marj k

The agreement is signed and my divorce will be final in a matter of days. I'm not really sure how to explain what I'm feeling right now. On the one hand, this is what I've waited for for months--slowly rebuilding my life piece by piece after it came crashing down all around me. And this step seemed like the last missing piece of that puzzle. And yet, when I signed on the dotted line, I felt extreme sadness. Not because I doubt my decision but because the finality of it all is hitting me. It will be done. It will be over. And it will be soon. On the other hand, I can say those same words, "It will be done. It will be over. And it will be soon" and I recognize the peace in that. The ending that I've been waiting for is finally here and new opportunities are waiting for me around the corner.  The journey is, in essence, just beginning. And that is really exciting.

I once heard Elizabeth Gilbert give a talk on the nature of the quest--she talked about how, historically, journeys of discovery have been undertaken by men to prove their manhood but that women were generally left out of these quests unless they were renegade or didn't care if they were labeled crazy. Women who attempted to journey out on their own without family or a husband to chaperone garnered a seriously negative stigma. Now women travel freely all over the world but it seems to me that there is still some female guilt associated with the idea of journeying towards self-discovery. Of course, questing doesn't have to involve getting on a plane or riding a camel across the desert. But it does involve dedicating a lot of time to the task of excavating and mapping your own heart and mind. It also requires asking the deeper, harder questions. Why do I keep acting in the same way expecting a different result? What motivates me to do this, or say this, or act this way? Who are the people who make me feel stronger and who are the ones that bring me down? Why am allowing this toxic energy, language, person, thought into my life? Why can't I let this go? Why does this hurt so much? How do I deal with anxiety, stress, pain, loss, failure? And is this the best way to deal with these things? Am I lying to myself? Obviously, answering these questions requires looking into a mirror and being honest about who is reflected back at you. This is the quest. It happens inside. As nice as it may be to buy a ticket to Venice and ride in a gondola down the narrow canals, you still are who you are no matter how far away you run to escape. 

Photograph by Mad Mariner

Gilbert says, "If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally), and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared – most of all – to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself….then truth will not be withheld from you." I love this quotation because it embodies the notion that the answers really do lie inside of you. You don't need a fancy degree or a stack of books from the self-help section of Barnes and Noble to figure it out. You don't need a six month sabbatical from work or a cruise around the Caribbean to know the truth. You just need to be honest with yourself. It may not be pretty. You may want to drop down and cry for three days on your kitchen floor. You may feel very, very raw. But sometimes the lies we tell ourselves are outrageous. And they get us nowhere. My best friend Helen recently asked me why it was that I was doing something incredibly dumb. And I responded that I didn't really know. She was silent for a few seconds and then said, in a way that only a very good old friend can, "Come on. Yes, you do know why. Be honest. At least with yourself."

This may very well be one of the scariest times of my life. And so now would be one of the easiest times to sugar coat things and coast through the fall, eating the Halloween candy that is already in the stores and burying my head in one of those September fashion magazines that weighs 20 pounds. But instead, I'm going to continue the quest. I'm going to delve inwards and outwards. As Liz Gilbert outlined, I'm going to go on a "truth-seeking journey" using every experience as a clue and every person I meet as a teacher. My heart is open to new lessons. This is my time. And I'm going to make the most of it. If you too are feeling like taking a journey without leaving your house, consider going on this quest with me. Ask yourself the tough questions that no one can answer for you. Consider being truthful about the answers, even if you have never been before. And then begin the work necessary to heal and grow and thrive. Whether the questions involve marriage, relationships, career, friendships, family, success, physical,  mental or spiritual health, the answers are not about others. Take out blame, take out anger, take out preconceived notions regarding what you want others to do or be or say...and be honest about your part in it all. What have you contributed to these situations and how can you remedy them? Be brave. Be honest. Be open. This could potentially be the greatest journey of your life. 

27. Angels and Demons

Photograph by mez love

Have you ever been confronted with a situation where you had to make a choice--turn left or right, say yes or no, acquiesce or fight back--and right at that moment when you needed to make the big decision, you started to hear voices? I know, I know. You're saying, "She's finally gone around the bend." But I don't mean paranormal voices from another realm. I mean those tugging little whispers that come to us when we're faced with a choice. You know what I'm talking about. You've heard them too, haven't you?

We've all seen images in movies or cartoons that personify these voices. The angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. The devil egging you on--telling you what you might like to hear. I imagine my little devil as an imposingly rude Tony Soprano type with a New York accent, smoking a cigar and saying, "Go ahead. What's the worst thing that could happen? So he cheated on you...four times...with your best friend...so what? Give him another chance. He's a hottie." Or maybe your demon says things like this, "It's one doughnut! One freakin' doughnut. Never hurt anybody! Eat it. It'll be good. You'll feel better. Eat it! EAT IT!" Or perhaps, he says, "Who do you think you are? You know you'll never be good enough. I can't believe you would even consider doing that. Have you looked in the mirror lately? Have you seen your resume? Are you learning impaired?" Yeah. This guy is a real self esteem booster, a certified psychological train wreck. But he's there lurking in the shadows, waiting for the slightest sign of self doubt. And then, he pounces, trying to wear you down. It doesn't always take much convincing. We can be easily manipulated depending on our emotional state. 

Photograph by mali mish

And then there's our angel. I imagine mine as a miniaturized version of the Dalai Lama, quietly and contentedly telling me, not what I want to hear, but what I need to hear. He is patient, kind and nurturing. He is wise, loving and respectful. He is the one who tells you the truth. He is your best friend, your ideal mother, your ideal father, your seeing eye...watching out for you when you can't watch out for yourself. It's so tempting to ignore that wise little laughing man though. His way is not always fun...it sometimes means taking the road less traveled, doing the thing that will leave us alone, vulnerable, raw, or open to ridicule. His answers to our Tony Soprano insults would sound something like this: [Cue the Dalai Lama voice] "Does this really make sense? To go back to a man who has abused and belittled you? Who has no regard for your feelings? Better to say goodbye to this deadbeat loser (maybe Dalai wouldn't say that, but this is my version of him and I like it) and move forward with your life. You are worthy of so much more kindness and love than this person is capable of giving. Give yourself a gift and walk away." Or in answer to Tony's doughnut rant, Dalai would say, "This doughnut is a weapon that you use against yourself every time you lift it to your lips. It is poison. Put it down and know that soon your double wide fanny will be svelte and gorgeous." Or maybe he has thoughts on Tony's self-esteem killing chat. "Who do you think you are? I will tell you who you are. As Max Ehrmann said in Desiderata, 'You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.'"

Photograph by Elton Melo

Yes, it can be visually interesting to imagine these voices as little people. But the truth is that Tony and Dalai are BOTH very much a part of us. The devilishly rude and obnoxiously undermining demon is made up of all of our self-doubt and insecurities about our validity in work, relationships, parenthood, you name it. And the voice of the angel is the voice of our intuition--the hard-to-accept, painfully obvious, rather-not-do-it TRUTH. When we deny this truth, we do ourselves a disservice. We try to stuff the jack back in the box so that we don't have to accept what is really there. 

This post is meant to be plea. Listen to your voices. Next time a decision comes up--big, small, significant or not--take a moment to listen to what your intuition is telling you. If you feel uncomfortable, unsure, taken aback, insignificant, like saying "hell no," then by all means, take some more time to think about your decision and why you would be saying yes when you know you should be saying no. There's no crime in responding, "I need to think about that. I need to check my calendar. I can't commit to that right now because I'm swamped with other projects. Maybe next time." Whatever. It's your life. Not theirs. And remember, above all else, that the choices matter. One question answered with a  "No" instead of a "Yes" and my life would be in an entirely different place right now. Regrets are a waste of time but it does give me pause to think about how important future decisions will be to my well being. You can bet on the fact that I've been trying to push Tony a little further out of my life and bring Dalai a little closer to the front of my brain. It's still a daily challenge. But when you're conscious of it, you can make decisions based on your truth rather than fear or the made up realities that we sometimes construct to hide from what's really there. 

Think about it. What are your voices telling you right now? How can you embrace your angels instead of your demons?  

26. Plan An Adventure

So a while back, I mentioned my camping adventure in the Berkshires. My friends and I had so much fun and the weather managed to hold up so we were able to hike and swim in the lake and spend time outdoors. I haven't laughed that hard in a while. I love these girls. They are the three other sides to my square, the ones that get me, the ones that will tell me the truth...even if it stings. They make me laugh and allow me to cry. And they inspire me to have all kinds of adventures. With them, I've been to Miami and Boston, had amazing spa treatments and danced all night. I've gone to museums in Philadelphia and New York. Done sleep away camp as a teenager. Been to yummy restaurants like Cookshop and Noble American Cookery. I've hiked up and down a giant mountain speckled with boulders, insects and mud. With them, I've sung show tunes at the top of my lungs and walked down wedding aisles. I've spent single Valentine's Day nights with them sharing food and hanging paintings. I've confided my deepest secrets, admitted my most vulnerable thoughts and shared my biggest dreams. We talk about our relationships--the good, the bad and the dysfunctional and we are honest with each other no matter what. We've discussed bikini waxing, vomit and bowel movements...yes, seriously...in no particular order and none of them only once. 

Shiny sequined lake in the Berkshires

When you feel this comfortable with a group of people, it's hard not to have adventures. Everything you do becomes an adventure. Before we even left our campsite, we talked about what was next on the horizon for us--where do we want to go? When can we all get together? What kinds of things would we want to do? We thought of New Orleans, Las Vegas, Paris, or the Caribbean. Nothing solid got planned but we are in talks to do something soon. And I find that just knowing that there's an adventure on the horizon makes me happy. Looking forward to a vacation, a party, or a get-together can sustain you through tough work days, a cold winter or hard times. If you're feeling like things are getting stagnant or you're wishing you were somewhere else right this minute, then take some time to plan an adventure. Whether it's this weekend or next year, if you have something out there to look forward to, your days will be filled with hopeful anticipation. Take a little time to imagine what you want your next adventure to look like and then plan it. Write out the steps you need to take to make it a reality--saving up some cash, looking online for the best travel deals, strategizing how to get a group of friends in the same place at the same time. Then take the first step on your list. Pretty soon, you'll be on your way to a fantastic adventure and really amazing memories.

Four chairs for the four musketeers

Me and Rachel during our hike

The reward at the end of our hike

The foursome

25. Friday Favorites

Here is a list of my favorite things from this week. Hope you enjoy!

Julia & Julia premiered today. Went to see it with my mom.
I loved Julia Child and Julie Powell's blog about working her way through Mastering the Art of French Cooking was hilarious and heartfelt. The movie was really refreshing--not the usual romantic comedy or dramatic blood bath but just a simple movie about two women and cooking. Really nice.


There is something about Happy by Clinique that actually does make me happy. It's citrusy and summery and refreshing and whenever I wear it I feel alive.

Haagen Dazs Pistachio ice cream is delicious. Nothing really more to say. It's just yummy.


Had an amazing heirloom tomato salad this week from my favorite cafe--fresh, local garden tomatoes, shaved red onion, avocado, lettuce, olives, and a tasty vinaigrette.

Yes. Fall shoes are in the house already and I'm coveting these Banana Republic booties. Love. Love. Love.

24. Proust Questionnaire

Photography by Katerina 2353

In 1892, Marcel Proust answered a questionnaire that had become a popular party activity. This questionnaire was meant to reveal one's innermost thoughts and feelings. Proust answered the same questions many times throughout his life to determine how his thoughts had changed. Over the years, parts of this questionnaire have been used in interviewing and some questions can be seen on the back page of Vanity Fair and by James Lipton on Inside the Actor's Studio. I thought it might be interesting to answer the same questions that Proust answered at the end of the 19th century. They seem to be just as valuable now as they were then.

Where would you like to live?

On the beach.

What is your idea of earthly happiness?

Sharing a really good meal and a glass of wine with people I love.

To what faults do you feel most indulgent?

Procrastination, being hard on myself and overlooking faults in others

Who are your favorite heroes & heroines of fiction?

Mr. Darcy and Frederick Wentworth; Elizabeth Bennett, Anne Elliott & Marianne Dashwood

Who are your favorite heroes & heroines in real life?

Firefighters, Sully Sullenberger, Christiane Amanpour & other journalists, Mother Teresa

Your favorite painters?

Georgia O'Keefe, Edgar Degas, John Currin, Amadeo Modigliani, Auguste Renoir, Jackson Pollack 

Your favorite musicians?

Bruce Springsteen, Coldplay, Ingrid Michaelson, The Fray, Anna Nalick, Maroon 5, Imogen Heap 

The qualities you most admire in a man?

Honesty, tenderness, intellect, an open heart, a backbone, humor

The qualities you most admire in a woman?

Openness, humor, candor, understanding, caring

Your favorite occupation?

Writer

Who would you have liked to be?

Elizabeth I

What is your idea of the perfect day? 

A sunny one, in a bikini, on a beach chair, in front of the crashing waves...preferably with friends and something yummy to eat

What is your most marked characteristic?

Creativity

What to your mind would be the greatest of misfortunes?

To never have loved or been loved

Your favorite color?

Sea glass blue

Favorite flower?

Hydrangeas

Favorite bird?

Red breasted blackbird

Favorite prose writer?

Nicholas Kristoff, Frank Rich, Jeffrey Sachs

Favorite poets?

Jane Kenyon, Pablo Neruda, Robert Frost, Sylvia Plath

What natural gift would you like to possess?

The ability to play amazing music--maybe piano & violin

What is your present state of mind?

Relaxed, reflective, hopeful

What is your motto?

When life hands you lemons, make limoncello.

23. Notes to My Younger Self

Photography by ale 2000

I recently read a great post by Danielle LaPorte from whitehottruth.com in which she writes notes of advice and wisdom from her 40 year old self today to her 20 year old self back then. I often think about how my life would be different if I had known then what I know now. I guess it's all part of the journey of life to learn a lot of these things at your own pace. Some lessons take longer than others and I'm still trying to work out why I haven't picked up on some major ones yet. But I thought it would be worthwhile to borrow Danielle's idea and write a few notes to that 20 year old who thought she knew it all. 

Notes to My Younger Self

1. Eat whatever you want. One day you won't be able to so you should enjoy it all now.

2. Don't give your time, generosity of spirit, love, affection, or body to any man who treats you and your feelings as after-thoughts. Statistics say that there are more than 3 billion men in this world. If one guy is treating you like crap, there are billions of other possibilities for happiness. Don't waste your time. It's precious. 

3. Don't borrow money from friends or family and don't lend money unless you can afford to never see it again.

4. Actions speak louder than words. If a guy or a friend is saying all kinds of sweet or seemingly sincere things and then their actions reflect the opposite, then drop them like a wet frog. The actions indicate what they really think about your relationship. Talk is cheap. People need to show you that they care. If they don't, refer to note #2.

5. Ask for what you want. Even if you think you won't get it, ask. It never hurts to go out on a limb for the things you think you deserve. 

6. Believe in your dreams. When we're kids, we think we can be anything--Olympic pole vaulter, President, nuclear physicist, rock star...but as the years go by, we become more jaded...less likely to believe that we can do or be whatever we dream. Don't lose sight of your childhood enthusiasm. It's really important to stay connected to that little kid. That's where all of the truth lies.

7. Read more. You'll never regret educating yourself.

8. Pay attention to your feelings. They really do try to speak to you. We just shut them out and pretend that what we're feeling isn't actually there. Getting in tune with your intuition, your sense that something isn't quite right, the gut reaction to something someone says or does or doesn't do--can be the difference between happiness and constant anxiety.

9.  Be a good friend. Friends are really where it's at. Make new ones, cultivate those relationships, share your feelings with them--even the crappy stuff--, laugh really hard and be there when they need you. Later in your life, your friends will sustain you through thick and thin.

10. Don't get used. Be street smart as well as book smart. Know that there will always be people who want something from you...who want you to do their work or pay their bills...people who want to take credit for your ideas, or justify their behavior by pressuring you to participate in it. Don't buy it. Just as note #5 tells you to ask for what you want, remember that you should also feel free to say when you think someone is disrespecting you or abusing your friendship...make it clear that you don't allow disrespect. Stick up for you because no one else will.

11. Life is really beautiful. Make the most of your days. Get outside. Go to the beach. Meet friends for dinner. Learn a new language and travel. Think deeply. Breathe fresh air. Let your hair down. Smell the flowers and stick your tongue out when it snows. Embrace each new year as it arrives. Be an active participant in your own life. 

12. Don't worry so much. There's plenty of time for that once you get married, buy a house, have kids and need to pay a stack of bills...for now, enjoy the freedom of not knowing what is right around the corner.

13. Stand in your own glory. You don't need anyone's approval to validate your own existence. Wear what you want, read what you like, be friends with good people, no matter how quirky, and don't try to conform to what's cool, seemingly right, or popular. None of those things matter when it's just you in a one bedroom apartment--you need to be able to look in the mirror and say that you are perfect just the way you are.

14. Take care of your health for the rest of your life. Exercise, eat well, take vitamins, moisturize your skin, wear SPF and avoid sun poisoning. Don't abuse yourself by neglecting your body.

15. Be the change you wish to see. Volunteer, tutor students, plant a garden, donate your time or money to people less fortunate, create a foundation, be an active citizen...one who makes change happen and who contributes to society.

16. Allow yourself to cry. Don't put up walls. If you feel something, let it out. Otherwise, it just builds and builds and comes out in other more destructive ways. Have a good cry, preferably with a nice shoulder to lean on, and then wipe away the tears and do something about it. Tears, then action.

17. Don't take your family for granted. No one will ever love you the way they do. 

18. Look for work you love. You will spend so much of your life working. Make sure that you don't spend it in misery. Find something you are passionate about and create the working life you want. You don't have to spend your years in a gray cubicle overlooking a cemetery (yes, I actually worked at a place like that). Ask yourself what your ideal job looks and feels like and then go out and get it.

19. Love deeply.

20. Enjoy every minute of your twenties. They will fly by just as the years following will be gone in a snap. Get to know yourself. Ask yourself what you want. Do daring and exciting things that will later seem outrageous. Love yourself and treat yourself well. Live and laugh and love and learn. As the song says, these are the days to remember but they will not last forever.