30. The Bucket List

Photography by wallyg

I was really inspired today by Maggie Mason's Mighty Life List. I was also amazed by the fact that she was somehow able to get Intel to sponsor her to actually do all of the 100 things on her life list! That includes swimming with bioluminescent plankton in Puerto Rico, watching the sunrise over the Aegean and standing inside the Taj Mahal. When you really sit down to write the things you'd like to accomplish before you kick it, it really makes you think--time's flying by and every minute is an opportunity. So I decided to write my own bucket list. Here's what I came up with. What's on yours?

1. Visit all 50 states

2. Visit all 7 continents

3. Eat at El Bulli

4. Eat at The French Laundry

5. Fly in a hot air balloon

6. See the Pyramids at Giza

7. Take horseback riding lessons

8. Have my book published

9. Write a screenplay

10. Take cooking lessons with Patricia Wells in Paris

11. Stay in a cliffside hotel on Santorini

12. Be in the audience at the Oprah show

13. Go on an African safari

14. Climb Kilimanjaro

15. Run a marathon

16. Have a job where I can work from anywhere in the world

17. Start a foundation

18. Visit the Louvre, the Prado, the Musee D'Orsay, and the Uffizi

19. Have a one woman art show

20. See Georgia O'Keeffe's house

21. Be on television

22. Have a drink at an Irish pub

23. Learn to speak Italian fluently

24. Have lunch at Cafe de Flore

25. Go to the U.S. Open finals

26. Go to the World Series

27. Stay at a villa in Tuscany

28. Get a letter back from J.D. Salinger

29. Visit Peru and Machu Picchu

30. Ride in a gondola in Venice

Photography by derpunk

31. Bike through Provence

32. Stay in a cottage in Scotland

33. Buy fresh flowers every week

34. Write for the New York Times 

35. Go to the Savannah St. Patrick's Parade

36. Attend Mardi Gras

37. See Monet's garden at Giverny

38. Visit my cousins in New Zealand

39. Eat sushi in Japan

40. Start a Sunday supper club

41. Lead a book group

42. See Frank Lloyd Wright's Fallingwater

43. Visit Buckingham Palace

44. Live on the beach

45. Have my professional portrait taken

46. Live overseas for a year

47. Win the lottery

48. Cook all of Ina Garten's recipes

49. Make a successful souffle

50. Grow beautiful roses

51. Take a cruise around the world

52. Complete a NYTimes Sunday crossword puzzle

53. Complete a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle

54. Grow my own vegetables

55. Learn to play tennis well

56. Learn to sail

57. Learn to play golf

58. Learn to play the violin

59. Learn to play piano

60. Go white water rafting

61. Swim with dolphins

62. Go on a helicopter ride

63. Visit the Grand Canyon

64. Go to the Galapagos Islands

Photography by anadelmann

65. See the cherry blossoms in Washington D.C.

66. Be in Times Square for New Year's Eve

67. Celebrate Oktoberfest in Germany

68. Visit the Vatican

69. See Gaudi's La Sagrada Familia in Barcelona

70. See the Acropolis in Athens

71. Visit the Kremlin

72. Go to the Super Bowl

73. See my book turned into a film

74. Visit the caves at Lascaux

75. See the Colisseum in Rome

76. Visit Petra, Jordan

77. Shop at Pike Place market in Seattle

78. Read all the books on my classics list

79. Learn to play chess

80. Take a painting class

81. Win a literary award

82. Build a Habitat for Humanity home

83. Pay for a student to go to college

84. Check off every item on the 75 Skills Every Woman Should Master

85. Write a regular magazine column

86. Buy stock

87. Watch all the films on my Greatest Movies List

88. Fall in love

89. See my blog on the Technorati 100 list

90. Go to the Olympics

91. Go to TED Talks

92. Meet the Dalai Lama

93. Visit India

94. Take up yoga again

95. Go to the Kentucky Derby

96. Learn to meditate

97. Teach adults to read

98. Walk every day

99. Try acting

100. Have no regrets

29. Modern Love

Photograph by Andrew Jalali

I'm a bit obsessed with the New York Times Sunday Style feature called "Modern Love." It's fascinating to read other people's accounts of their love lives--dating, marriage, commitment, family relationships, passion, lust, loss. I'll make a cup of tea and cozy up on the couch with the Times, losing myself in the newest tale of heart pounding drama. Maybe it's the romantic in me. Or maybe it's the social part of me. But I love to read this stuff. I can't help but feel that each one of these stories is a universal story in some way. Modern Love. What is it? How does it work? Who knows. It's a mystery. But the story below, in particular, struck me as being really touching. I've talked a lot recently about letting go of preconceived notions...throwing out the expectations we have for ourselves and others and just letting it be. But how easy is that to do? Easy maybe if the person you love forgets to pick up their towel off the floor. Not so easy if the person you've been married to for decades tells you that he never loved you and wants to leave you and the kids...read this...you may cry. 

Those Aren't Fighting Words, Dear by Laura A. Munson

28. Questing

Photograph by marj k

The agreement is signed and my divorce will be final in a matter of days. I'm not really sure how to explain what I'm feeling right now. On the one hand, this is what I've waited for for months--slowly rebuilding my life piece by piece after it came crashing down all around me. And this step seemed like the last missing piece of that puzzle. And yet, when I signed on the dotted line, I felt extreme sadness. Not because I doubt my decision but because the finality of it all is hitting me. It will be done. It will be over. And it will be soon. On the other hand, I can say those same words, "It will be done. It will be over. And it will be soon" and I recognize the peace in that. The ending that I've been waiting for is finally here and new opportunities are waiting for me around the corner.  The journey is, in essence, just beginning. And that is really exciting.

I once heard Elizabeth Gilbert give a talk on the nature of the quest--she talked about how, historically, journeys of discovery have been undertaken by men to prove their manhood but that women were generally left out of these quests unless they were renegade or didn't care if they were labeled crazy. Women who attempted to journey out on their own without family or a husband to chaperone garnered a seriously negative stigma. Now women travel freely all over the world but it seems to me that there is still some female guilt associated with the idea of journeying towards self-discovery. Of course, questing doesn't have to involve getting on a plane or riding a camel across the desert. But it does involve dedicating a lot of time to the task of excavating and mapping your own heart and mind. It also requires asking the deeper, harder questions. Why do I keep acting in the same way expecting a different result? What motivates me to do this, or say this, or act this way? Who are the people who make me feel stronger and who are the ones that bring me down? Why am allowing this toxic energy, language, person, thought into my life? Why can't I let this go? Why does this hurt so much? How do I deal with anxiety, stress, pain, loss, failure? And is this the best way to deal with these things? Am I lying to myself? Obviously, answering these questions requires looking into a mirror and being honest about who is reflected back at you. This is the quest. It happens inside. As nice as it may be to buy a ticket to Venice and ride in a gondola down the narrow canals, you still are who you are no matter how far away you run to escape. 

Photograph by Mad Mariner

Gilbert says, "If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally), and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared – most of all – to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself….then truth will not be withheld from you." I love this quotation because it embodies the notion that the answers really do lie inside of you. You don't need a fancy degree or a stack of books from the self-help section of Barnes and Noble to figure it out. You don't need a six month sabbatical from work or a cruise around the Caribbean to know the truth. You just need to be honest with yourself. It may not be pretty. You may want to drop down and cry for three days on your kitchen floor. You may feel very, very raw. But sometimes the lies we tell ourselves are outrageous. And they get us nowhere. My best friend Helen recently asked me why it was that I was doing something incredibly dumb. And I responded that I didn't really know. She was silent for a few seconds and then said, in a way that only a very good old friend can, "Come on. Yes, you do know why. Be honest. At least with yourself."

This may very well be one of the scariest times of my life. And so now would be one of the easiest times to sugar coat things and coast through the fall, eating the Halloween candy that is already in the stores and burying my head in one of those September fashion magazines that weighs 20 pounds. But instead, I'm going to continue the quest. I'm going to delve inwards and outwards. As Liz Gilbert outlined, I'm going to go on a "truth-seeking journey" using every experience as a clue and every person I meet as a teacher. My heart is open to new lessons. This is my time. And I'm going to make the most of it. If you too are feeling like taking a journey without leaving your house, consider going on this quest with me. Ask yourself the tough questions that no one can answer for you. Consider being truthful about the answers, even if you have never been before. And then begin the work necessary to heal and grow and thrive. Whether the questions involve marriage, relationships, career, friendships, family, success, physical,  mental or spiritual health, the answers are not about others. Take out blame, take out anger, take out preconceived notions regarding what you want others to do or be or say...and be honest about your part in it all. What have you contributed to these situations and how can you remedy them? Be brave. Be honest. Be open. This could potentially be the greatest journey of your life.