23. Notes to My Younger Self

Photography by ale 2000

I recently read a great post by Danielle LaPorte from whitehottruth.com in which she writes notes of advice and wisdom from her 40 year old self today to her 20 year old self back then. I often think about how my life would be different if I had known then what I know now. I guess it's all part of the journey of life to learn a lot of these things at your own pace. Some lessons take longer than others and I'm still trying to work out why I haven't picked up on some major ones yet. But I thought it would be worthwhile to borrow Danielle's idea and write a few notes to that 20 year old who thought she knew it all. 

Notes to My Younger Self

1. Eat whatever you want. One day you won't be able to so you should enjoy it all now.

2. Don't give your time, generosity of spirit, love, affection, or body to any man who treats you and your feelings as after-thoughts. Statistics say that there are more than 3 billion men in this world. If one guy is treating you like crap, there are billions of other possibilities for happiness. Don't waste your time. It's precious. 

3. Don't borrow money from friends or family and don't lend money unless you can afford to never see it again.

4. Actions speak louder than words. If a guy or a friend is saying all kinds of sweet or seemingly sincere things and then their actions reflect the opposite, then drop them like a wet frog. The actions indicate what they really think about your relationship. Talk is cheap. People need to show you that they care. If they don't, refer to note #2.

5. Ask for what you want. Even if you think you won't get it, ask. It never hurts to go out on a limb for the things you think you deserve. 

6. Believe in your dreams. When we're kids, we think we can be anything--Olympic pole vaulter, President, nuclear physicist, rock star...but as the years go by, we become more jaded...less likely to believe that we can do or be whatever we dream. Don't lose sight of your childhood enthusiasm. It's really important to stay connected to that little kid. That's where all of the truth lies.

7. Read more. You'll never regret educating yourself.

8. Pay attention to your feelings. They really do try to speak to you. We just shut them out and pretend that what we're feeling isn't actually there. Getting in tune with your intuition, your sense that something isn't quite right, the gut reaction to something someone says or does or doesn't do--can be the difference between happiness and constant anxiety.

9.  Be a good friend. Friends are really where it's at. Make new ones, cultivate those relationships, share your feelings with them--even the crappy stuff--, laugh really hard and be there when they need you. Later in your life, your friends will sustain you through thick and thin.

10. Don't get used. Be street smart as well as book smart. Know that there will always be people who want something from you...who want you to do their work or pay their bills...people who want to take credit for your ideas, or justify their behavior by pressuring you to participate in it. Don't buy it. Just as note #5 tells you to ask for what you want, remember that you should also feel free to say when you think someone is disrespecting you or abusing your friendship...make it clear that you don't allow disrespect. Stick up for you because no one else will.

11. Life is really beautiful. Make the most of your days. Get outside. Go to the beach. Meet friends for dinner. Learn a new language and travel. Think deeply. Breathe fresh air. Let your hair down. Smell the flowers and stick your tongue out when it snows. Embrace each new year as it arrives. Be an active participant in your own life. 

12. Don't worry so much. There's plenty of time for that once you get married, buy a house, have kids and need to pay a stack of bills...for now, enjoy the freedom of not knowing what is right around the corner.

13. Stand in your own glory. You don't need anyone's approval to validate your own existence. Wear what you want, read what you like, be friends with good people, no matter how quirky, and don't try to conform to what's cool, seemingly right, or popular. None of those things matter when it's just you in a one bedroom apartment--you need to be able to look in the mirror and say that you are perfect just the way you are.

14. Take care of your health for the rest of your life. Exercise, eat well, take vitamins, moisturize your skin, wear SPF and avoid sun poisoning. Don't abuse yourself by neglecting your body.

15. Be the change you wish to see. Volunteer, tutor students, plant a garden, donate your time or money to people less fortunate, create a foundation, be an active citizen...one who makes change happen and who contributes to society.

16. Allow yourself to cry. Don't put up walls. If you feel something, let it out. Otherwise, it just builds and builds and comes out in other more destructive ways. Have a good cry, preferably with a nice shoulder to lean on, and then wipe away the tears and do something about it. Tears, then action.

17. Don't take your family for granted. No one will ever love you the way they do. 

18. Look for work you love. You will spend so much of your life working. Make sure that you don't spend it in misery. Find something you are passionate about and create the working life you want. You don't have to spend your years in a gray cubicle overlooking a cemetery (yes, I actually worked at a place like that). Ask yourself what your ideal job looks and feels like and then go out and get it.

19. Love deeply.

20. Enjoy every minute of your twenties. They will fly by just as the years following will be gone in a snap. Get to know yourself. Ask yourself what you want. Do daring and exciting things that will later seem outrageous. Love yourself and treat yourself well. Live and laugh and love and learn. As the song says, these are the days to remember but they will not last forever.