18. Leading Lady

I love the movie "The Holiday." Not because it's the best movie ever made or because it deserves an Oscar for best actor. I love it because of Kate Winslet's character, Iris. I could so relate to her and her struggle to take back her life. She's a good person who tends to act like a bit of a doormat at times. This clip is one of my favorite scenes from the film and regardless of whether or not you've seen it, I'm sure that you can relate to not quite feeling like the Leading Lady of your own life at one time or another.

That is so right! No one wants to be the "best friend." The one who gets taken advantage of. The one who sits at home pining after someone who doesn't love them back. The one who doesn't ask for what she wants. The one who repeatedly gets ignored or passed over because she's so meek and mild that no one notices her. So what does it mean to be the leading lady of your own life? I've been thinking a lot about this lately. And I've come up with a few parameters that I think fit the leading lady persona, or at least what I would like it to be.

1. Say what you mean. Often, the best friend type will simply skirt the issue or avoid the topic because it's uncomfortable or because we don't like conflict. Don't make waves and everyone will like you. Well, screw being liked. It's overrated. It's better to say what you mean, tell them what you want, ask for what you think you deserve and then be prepared to offer evidence as to why you're right. Even if you're challenged, stick to your convictions. 

2. Show confidence. This can be easier said than done. A lot of times, we walk into situations where we feel intimidated or nervous. But I like to advise people to "fake it until you make it." Just close your eyes and imagine that you are the most desirable, intelligent, capable and worthy woman. What does she look like? How does she act? What does she say? How does she sit? How does she walk? Head down, pouty face, wearing sneakers? Or head held high, smiling, glowing and looking polished? Mimic someone who you admire. Call on the spirit of Grace Kelly or Jackie O and fake it until you make it.

3. Don't settle. When we lack the confidence of a leading lady, we're apt to settle for less than we deserve. That means we might date a man who is an emotional nitwit and who can never give us what we want. It might mean that we settle for less of a raise than we earned at our job. Or maybe we allow a friend to continue to abuse us or take advantage by borrowing money and never repaying or saying rude things without question. It might mean we don't go for what we want out of fear. Don't settle for anything less than what you truly desire. 

4. Practice the art of self-indulgence. Women, in particular, have a very hard time with this one. But ponder it for a bit. Think of a woman who you admire--one who really knocks your socks off with her wit, and charm, her humor, her style, her body, her accomplishments. Then tell me--does she neglect herself? Probably not. All of the women that came to my mind seem to do a pretty good job of taking care of their minds, bodies and spirits. Only when you bring these things into balance and make yourself a priority can you be a leading lady. Take care of yourself and both you and others will notice a big difference. 

Grace Kelly

Think about the movie of your life. When the credits roll, who is leading the show? Is it you? Or your spouse? Your children? Your ex? Some other person who should simply be an extra? Shouldn't you be the leading lady of your own life? I mean, you only get one. Take advantage of it. Live it up. Enjoy life. And make yourself the priority.